New adventures present themselves when we least expect. That’s what has landed me in Churchill, Manitoba. Yes, THAT Churchill – the polar bear capital of the world. It is a unique place; one that has to be felt to be appreciated. A return to my longtime role in education is what brought me here. Have I regretted or questioned my decision? Not at all. For the first time in a long time, I have embraced it!

I have had the chance to experience some wonderful things on life’s journey. Some I reflect on to feel joy, while others still sting. So, what is different now? I am different. That is not by accident or a stroke of luck. From the time the church minister abused me at twelve years old, to the three years my brother faced cancer only to lose his battle at age eighteen, to the deep depression I fell into after realizing I can’t just wish things away or “forget about them”. Forgive and forget has never been my motto.

There is no recipe for a happy life. We deal with what comes our way, or not.  It’s the “or not” that has always been my stumbling block. I have a master’s degree in “Getting In My Own Way”. I have always felt things deeply and overthinking has been my best sport. While it is fine to reflect, when we get stuck in those times that’s where we turn our chosen sanctuary into a self-made prison. Luckily, I have an immediate family that has believed in me without fail. That is where we come face to face with the concept of being RESILIENT.

When challenges arise, they are usually followed by the empty advice of “put it behind you”, or “have a drink and move on”, “that’s over now so toughen up”. Utter nonsense that only serves to devalue one’s emotions and struggles. I could not just say “oh well” after different traumatic events surfaced. At 51, depression hit me square in the jaw. Did I lack resilience? Was I not tough enough? What I needed was to face what was holding me back, pushing me under. I was quite fortunate to have two therapists who guided me, pushed me yet calmed me. They showed me how to “get out of my own way”.

Becoming resilient has not meant I forget things – just the opposite. I can now recall being sexually abused, I know what losing the closest version of myself feels like with my brother, I live with the sting of wrongful accusation, but the difference is I face it knowing I am not defined by any of that. I take comfort in the fact I have more empathy for all creatures – two and four legged (in my cat’s case three).

I have had the chance to see dedication by teachers in their guidance of their students, see the pangs of addiction that grips an entire family, watch the dignity of kids who put one foot in front of the other because that is the only choice. Grief can be messy, ugly in how it is expressed. That is why having the capacity to recognize it is a strength I value.

The judgement of others has the potential to break us. Overcoming that is not easy. We let the opinions of others trickle into our self-esteem, often diminishing ourselves in the process. Human curiosity about something or someone is quite natural, however when curiosity leads to gossip and judgement, then that only leads to hurt. After such an experience, I was asked, “How are you?” by someone who was sincere. My response surprised even me… I said, “I am good; not great, but I’m ok”. I had put in the work to guide me to that point!

When I think of resilient, I immediately recall my visit to Fleur De Lys in June. As I wrote about in several posts prior, I had the pleasure to spend time with the mother of Samantha Walsh. In 2000, Samantha was abducted and murdered at the tender age of thirteen.  From that moment, her mother, Millie Walsh, has been resilient in every way. She has advocated for her community, pressed the authorities when her daughter’s killer came up for parole, and built a lasting place of hope to remember Samantha.  That’s resilient!

I see resilience in this part of Canada in a way I had only read about until now. During our recent school recognition of the National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, the plight of indigenous people across this land resonated. Trauma runs deep through the many generations and is forefront for those who lived through that horrendous experience. They tell us of their experiences openly… that is resilience.

I owe it to myself to experience life, not just be a spectator. Every day I learn more about myself, I own the pieces that have led me to this day, and I hope the lessons are not yet over… although I hope they are more gentle.