During a very difficult time when I was struggling, someone trying desperately to understand said to me, “tell me how you feel.”  We have heard of ‘a penny for your thoughts’, but no amount of money exists for me to accurately explain it to others.  That is one of the key frustrations; trying to explain it to others, or just putting on a mask and pretend everything is fine.  That does not last.  It catches up with you. Some time ago, I was reading how the late Robin Williams battled depression.  He had told a friend it was like “walking around with your hair on fire, but no one could see the flames.”  I understood completely.

The most frustrating thing for me has been trying to shed light on how I feel so others will understand.  It is not easy to explain, nor to understand.  However, on several occasions I have been told things like, “you need to snap out of it”, “shake it off”, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”  While those comments may have been said as an unusual way of being supportive, they did not help.  They made be feel like I chose depression, that it was a conscious decision to be unable to function effectively.  If anything, comments like those set me back.

We all have people in our lives that need support from time to time.  In cases of mental wellness, it can be difficult to know what to say or do.  There is no recipe, no magic formula, and to think we will wake up “better” suddenly is not realistic. 

For as long as I can remember, the opinion other people had of me was always of great concern.  I came to realize that my opinion of myself means even more.  Finding things that help you cope and regain strength is different for everyone.  For some it may be reading, biking, walking, running, kayaking, sitting on a beach, or just listening to the water run or the birds chirping.  It may be a combination of all of those.  When I hear people say they don’t know what to say to help someone, the best thing I can offer is to “just be there” for them.  Let those going through a difficult time know you care.  They do not want to be fixed, trust me, they are working on it.