For me, sometimes it’s the smell of autumn, shorter days, cooler temperatures; other times it is a certain sound or an image that flashes before me.  Anyone who has struggled with mental wellness – depression, anxiety, PTSD– knows all too well that being triggered is part of the ongoing struggle.   I am by no means a psychologist; I simply share my experiences in an open manner. 

  When triggered, I revert to the same mindset, and physical sensations, as the initial incidents.  Triggers can involve many things- smells, images, sounds, a specific thing that is irrelevant to most yet sends us spiraling.  I find October onward the most difficult.  When I was at my lowest point, time was unable to be measured; minutes were like hours, yet I could sit in one place for days on end, unable to tell you one thing that I had seen on TV.  Frozen.  Paralyzed.  Questioning everything about my life, mostly if it mattered I existed.  Those are the dark times.

Now, when triggers occur, I “try” to manage it as best as I can.  People have said to me, “you used to be so outgoing”.  Possibly true, though I maintain I was an extroverted introvert.  I could speak easily to groups, but inside I was in panic mode. Friends, acquaintance, and yes, loved ones, long to have the same person they are most comfortable with.  HOWEVER, circumstances never leave us the same.  Whether it is childhood abuses, the trauma of loss, accidents, or sudden life-changing events, the things that trigger us may fade but not disappear. 

How we manage life in an attempt to move forward is different for everyone.  It has been important for me to know someone understands and accepts me.  There are loved ones and friends who are in it for the long haul, who have heard the despair and cries as to why go on living.  They have been scared for us yet remained steadfast in their love and support.  However, there are other family members (or extended family) who need reassurance from us when we cannot care for ourselves.  There are times when we have to do what we need most; that may mean pulling back and creating distance.  We have all had “fair weather friends”.  Some take the silence during turmoil as a rejection of them.  Not the case.  For me, I was in survival mode, barely able to take care of myself physically or emotionally.  Therefore, friends who “show up”, who say “I got you”, they are your lifelines.  When someone says “I was going to call but didn’t know what to say”… these are not your people.

In most cases, triggers like flashing lights, a knock on the door, etc., will always elicit a reaction.  Managing that reaction, through medication, meditation, or other means, becomes the key.  When you know you have unconditional support, let some light shine though the cracks.  YOU MATTER!

NEXT TIME: “Shake it off; Snap out of it”.