Since Thanksgiving has recently passed (or upcoming in the USA), being thankful and grateful is often raised.  So, what prompts me to be grateful?  Depending on the events of the day, it can vary.  However, there are things that linger, things that resonate and give me pause.  The default “go to’s” like health, family, and a home, are frequently mentioned, not dismissively, rather because they are constants. 

The material things, including money, allow us comfort, but only sustain us to a point.  Of course, heat, food, and clothing are crucial, but I am most grateful for “memories”.  It sounds a little abstract.  Memories can make us laugh, cry, reflect, and be hopeful.  It can cause us to long for events and people no longer with us.  As someone who has struggled with mental wellness, memories have been a double-edged sword, often sparking the recall of traumatic events.   

Like everyone, I am grateful for things that bring a rollercoaster of emotions.  It is so easy to get lost in the darkness; to focus on the doom… trust me, I know it too well.  The loss of an only brother in his teens, the loss of grandparents whose voices fell silent, “friends” who were absent in times of need, the paranoia an autumn late night knock on the door has created, and unwanted advances on my person that haunts. BUT, just as I lament the gloom, I am grateful beyond measure for memories that bring strength.  Early mornings skating on a pond, my brother’s strength and maturity to face cancer, Nan and Pop who knew the value of laughter and a good story, and friends who send a “how are you” message and “call me anytime”.  These memories say, “you got this”.  The mom who lost her child only to raise her grandchild as mom, yet always finds time to offer me assurance, the therapist who truly sees you as you hope to be seen and refuses to have me give up on myself, the lawyer who connects and provides genuine friendship, the social justice crusading mom who sets a powerful example of resilience… each offer a source of inspiration by the example they have set. 

Finally, I am most grateful for a life partner of 35 years who has remained on this rollercoaster.  Through the highs and the angst, knowing your person always has your back is golden.  And, my boys.  Now, as two grown men, I long for their childhood voices, yet, they are a glowing example of two of my favourite people.  I often get mired in the heartbreak of memory, only to find stability and refuge in the very same. It carries me through each day;   I am grateful.